Friday, 14 March 2014

Why fake it?

I had wondered why we have to fake it.. Isn't the point of delving into it at the first place supposed to depict the desire to pleasure and to be pleasured? So i got into a confab about this matter and the reasons it is necessary to fake it were given and guess what? Titi got schooled though I still have my reservations. The act has been mistaken to be a tug-of-war or a race; communication definitely doesn't stand a chance. 

 Let me start by defining orgasm; Intense or paroxysmal excitement; especially :  an explosive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female. 

 Most times, rather than focus on giving and getting from this act, men focus on their ego and how "godzilla-ish" they perform. Kind of like a child with a poor self-esteem that constantly requires validation in whatever he puts himself into. Women aren't entirely the same, we come in different shapes and sizes with different perceptions. Let me give a scenario; assuming as a guy, you have been with women that derive pleasure by being bulldozed in the act and called nasty names, you do not conclude that as being the jackpot for women in general. I cannot accept being treated as a mere animal neither would i enjoy being called nasty names or even speaking while in the process, and there are lots of other women out there with similar principles as mine. How would these women climax when they cannot relax but rather constantly be on the alert in order to respond to flimsy questions such as; baby are you enjoying it? How am I? Am I the best? And what not....

On the other hand, a little understanding will do..... A guy that has been drooling over a girl for Segun knows how long, is bound to ejaculate prematurely when he gets her, but at a second trial the case would be different. I listened to my male colleagues banter on this and discovered that some men masturbate right before sex so that they do not perform poorly while with "the" lady And that made so much sense to me though I was previously oblivious of this. But it is so wrong, this is where communication comes to play so that capability wouldn't need to be proven. It is in the act of being in your own head that you miss out on giving pleasure in return and so she has to fake it because the act has become a waste of time and a pure dead-end. But let us look at a professionals view on why most women do not climax .....

A lot of women have used sexuality as a bargaining chip with men. They know they have something that men want and they use it to get their needs met. This leads women to the conclusion that sex is really for men. Even after all these years of raising women’s consciousness and feminism, the deeply held belief that women’s sexuality exists mainly for the benefit of men has remained. While engaged in sex, women have been preoccupied with the pleasure enjoyed by the man. Her orgasms are for his pleasure!

 More recently, when women began putting the focus on their own pleasure and their own deeper desires and needs, they sometimes were told, “Your orgasm is your responsibility. I’m here for me and you’re here for you.” The message was “be self centered like me.” But if women actually do this, or put sexual demands on a partner, or try to use him as a masturbation machine, the man often fails to cooperate. In general, men haven’t been conditioned to play this role in the way that women have. The exception is that men who’ve been sexually abused as children often have the same challenges as women in claiming their sexual sovereignty.    

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I like how professional and neutral the write up comes across. Lack of communication is part of the reasons of course but I still maintain that most women do not experience orgasms because men have transformed sexual intercourse into a tug-of-war and when it becomes painful instead of pleasurable.... the poor lady has no choice but to fake it.


  1. LOL-LOL-LOL!! Titi o!
    One point; We're conditioned to believe we should also have a happy ending. So sometimes it feels awkward if you don’t — hahahahaha
    But seriously, when you're not that experienced — it's hard to come to the realization that your main focus during sex should not be putting the guy at ease and making him feel like he did a good job Sexing You.

  2. Glad you took to your blog with this issue because it has bothered me for a long time! I understand why women fake it, but really its a case of, "good intention, bad idea." Yes, you may be sparing your guy for embarrassment and massaging his ego but hellllllooooooooooooo, how the heck is he meant to improve when he thinks he's a sex-king when he isn't?

    He won't die knowing the truth. Be honest, talk and move foreword.

  3. Also some women don't get to orgasm because they spend more time thinking than actually enjoying the experience but I don't think they should fake it, you either enjoy it or not, faking it is a loss because there you are pleasing the nigga but you're not being pleased

  4. Onyia Kristoval Eloka9 July 2014 at 10:40

    Truth be told, you have a point there with ur reasons why women fake it, but sincerely, it's not entirely true.
    Some women just don't know how to act in bed, they lay there expecting you to perform sexual miracles at the flick of a wand,
    some already have the belief that female orgasm is a myth,
    While some just have sex as a means to an end (if you know what I mean)
    Some ladies even go on to worry bout their insecurities, about stuff like 'is he going to leave me after this? is he going to say am boring? Am I performing well? How is he going to see me after this? Is he going to tell his friends?...etc, robbing themselves of the peace of mind which that pleasurable session requires. sex can't be enjoyed with a mind that darts around like a bat in a well lit room. And if sex can't be enjoyed, orgasm won't be attained.