Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Stay At Home Boyfriend/Husband


HAPPY NEW YEAR!! WHOOT WHOOT! late i know, but it is still a new year :).  

This year has been fabulous so far. Last year was just OK, coupled with the fact that i had to work on Christmas day....it was a woeful year at first, great later and being insatiable; i ended the year sulking! This year, i have learned already that maintaining joy is every individual's responsibility so i have decided to choose my battles and remain happy no matter what, which has been good thus far. This isn't a new year resolution, it is a decision i had to follow.

I think you would identify with my stories better if i infuse names...is this a good idea? OK let me use fake names so you can relate with this. True story though....

So Ifeoma came visiting from the US and i just had to see her being that i had not seen her in ages and i knew I'd probably not see her for a spanned period all over again. Yeni and i joined her and boyfriend at some place in Ikoyi and got talking. While discussing, the boyfriend decided to raise an issue he and Ifeoma had already debated on. Apparently, Ifeoma doesn't see anything wrong with having a stay-at-home boyfriend or husband (In this case; A man that decides to pull out of work to take care of the kids and family affairs while the wife works)... My exact words were "I think such man is a liability and useless to the entire world", not constructive? yes i agree but,i am learning to filter my utterances. He then asked, why shouldn't a woman agree to such a deal when we fight for gender equality? Firstly i would like to clarify the fact that I DO NOT BELIEVE IN GENDER EQUALITY. The female gender engage in tiring battles over something that definitely would not change! I am not saying that a woman should be a slave to the man, or allow a man deter her from attaining greater heights due to his own short comings or that she is a creature that is meant to be seen and not heard (as a colleague imprudently put it). 

Here is the way i see it; In a home where 2 adults of the opposite sex fight for the leadership position, won't that home come off as chaotic? In my case, my father is the leader, he is my lord on earth, even when my mum doesn't agree with his view, she would never say that before my siblings and1, oh but she holds the keys to his heart. Once they step away from us, case closed! The ball is in her court. My father is the Guy that while i was little, my mum would threaten to report me to him when i get naughty and i would worry because i just always wanted to be my daddy's good baby as he is our "lord"; my mother is the one that connected with us emotionally. In fighting for gender equality as women, we lose the power we already possess. My father is the financial provider while my mother is the investor, or master planner as my father fondly calls her. That to me is power enough, for my dad to trust my mum with his money? How does that saying go? If you want to punish a man attack his money... Yet a man deems it highly necessary to entrust the wife with his money and that isn't power enough?
Working in a real estate firm, i discovered that to make sales (especially when it comes to residential properties), we have to appeal to the wives else no deals will be closed.

Gender equality in most cases comes up when we end up with whomever without confirming that some basic qualities exist  between the said persons. Qualities such as; Understanding, communication and acceptance. If a woman communicates with the right man, she wouldn't feel so revoked.

Tell me what you think about it? Or do i hold this perception because of my upbringing as many have said?


  1. If our society and business won’t make it easier on female workers who choose to have children, there is still the ray of hope that increasing numbers of full-time fathers/BF will. But based on today’s socioeconomic trends, this hope is, unfortunately, misguided and in our country this will never be a norm. However, I suggest that every party decide what suits them best despite Titi's view.

  2. A man taking a step back in his career to allow his wife blossom doesn't necessarily change the dynamics of the family. A man can still be a man without being the main bread winner and he should be ok with that.