Sunday, 8 September 2013

While waiting for the most dependable men…

You’d notice I did not use ‘Mr. Right, The One, Mr. Perfect’ blabla because I am definitely not one of those that believe God actually created one particular woman for a man and no other. I mean, if the man marries wrongly, does that mean the woman supposedly created for him to marry wouldn’t have any other suitable fellow? That’s by the way though….
My major concerns are the crumbs we end up with while we run out of patience during the wait for the dependable. By crumbs I mean going for the shadow or petty man over our actual desires. Sometimes, ladies refer to such as ‘just my friend’. This actually doesn’t insinuate in any way that the guys have been flung into the friend zone, because most times they are actually tapping that. And so cos we are very much aware of the limited number of guys willing to get married (since a ‘typical’ Nigerian man will wait till he is almost clocking 40 before he decides to settle down with a woman), the seemingly increasing number of women and decreasing number of men, and the superficiality of both men and women, we end up with any creature that flashes a little attention on us. Oh! Did I almost forget the constant town criers reminding us of ‘how we should do and marry?’ I don’t know about other countries but I know Nigerians take the matter just as personally as those that loot in government offices.

These shouldn’t make us lose sight of our stand, desires, goals and the kind of men we could be potential helpers to. Most times we bend till our heads are almost touching the toes before we realize we have changed everything about us in eagerness to belong to the married group. We don’t even enjoy our youth anymore because we dedicate most of it to worrying over being single at 23, 24, 25… imagine! I am not blogging about this because I have figured it all out. Rather, because I have opted for a few crumbs myself and have seen the danger in settling.

The most recurring incidences are cases whereby we settle for fellows because of ‘condition’ then try to change everything about the person to suit our desires which never really works. Take me for example; I love intelligent men. I desire a man who is into personality building, someone who’d speak and my wings will spread-out. If I then overlook these desires and end up with the likes of Terry G or someone who isn’t good with words and try to transform him into such man, wouldn’t I be a clown? 

Few days ago, a very young friend of mine was ranting about wanting to get married next year and bringing up a case study of a friend of hers who got married at age 20. So I asked if marriage was her life assignment. Women seem to be unaware of the fact that they actually have assignments that isn’t just being married. Little wonder the Apostle Paul admonished that if we could control our flesh, it is better not to be married. Meaning, there are actually greater achievements out there.

I am not saying that getting married at a young age is a faux pas; I am a huge sucker for love then marriage, I am rather admonishing us to waste no time worrying over something that would surely come to us and focus on being different from the stereotyped woman, by achieving something that’d be passed from generation to generations. There are loads of stuffs we can transform in the society and ourselves before the dependable finds us

Please enjoy this visual poetry below by Janette Ikz, a renowned gospel poet in the US. absolutely love her! have a great week loves of mine *Mwah* 


  1. Loool @ the likes of Terry G. Very true really, we let society and other unnecesary factors pressure us into settling for less and worse case some actually marry like that! Nice piece (y).Jibola.

  2. Can't see no visual poetry..

    I feel the feelings are kinda the same both sexes. As you develop yourself, you begin to seek for people that can relate with you on that level or help you develop further. Thing is, you get to a level where such people are few.

    If you discover this in marriage, what would you do "Divorce and go against Jesus' preaching". You are stuck with that "dumb" dude/babe for life and this sometimes lead to people having cheating, and yes both sexes.

    We must be ready to invest in people, bcos we are 1 way or d oda d result of som1's seed. It isn't evrywhere we sow, we reap (ask all ur teachers) and somtimes d sower's best reward is seeing his work become a sower in oda lives. We must also have the patience to nurture the seed till it turns to a tree that bears fruit.

    This is where men are a little better than women. More and more women are always looking for the fruit bearing & seed dispersing tree, some men would settle for a barren land where they see potential of their seeds growing. I think it is due to the cultural view that the man pulls the woman up and not vice versa (but this isn't always the case). Plus some rili great men have some emotional capabilities to do this job effectively, women will rather focus all that energy on the kids.

    I think d key is to find someone you have faith in, someone who you see the potential in.

    1. Nhmmm Bolarinwa this one is a different level of preaching. I disagree on men being a little better for going after baren lands... A lot of women still endup with broke dudes cos of d potentials they see..its been said that women have the grace to sense d end of a man but quest for immediate comfort deters most from putting that into practice. I'm the other hand, most guys go after babes with rich backgrounds. So we can't really accord 'the better' to both genders

    2. Bolarinwa please start your own blog!

      Nice 1....

  3. @last! Nice takes a lot of focus nd determination not succumb to society's marriage pressure!

  4. Wait on God,cast all ur cares on Him n live each day learning to enjoy every moment.

  5. Nice one Titi. Officially my favourite!

  6. Nice one Titi. Officially my favourite!

  7. Nice one Titi. Officially my favourite!