Tuesday, 11 September 2018

Self-Inflicted Peer Pressure

The post caption is such an irony, right? How does one self-inflict peer pressure on themselves?
Peer pressure is something I believe latches on to every living being but in different levels of intensity. Some would kill, steal, lose themselves or even die in the midst of the pressure, but does that mean we'd then recognise its cons and take control of it rather than let it control us? Well, that's what I feel like ranting about today.

In my case, I recognise areas in my life that are the way they are due to peer pressure or should I say, societal pressure. For instance, I am hairy as hell, but God forbid you to find me in the streets with hairs on my legs, underarms or anywhere else visible. Actually, don't let me talk about the forest I groom when I am sexually inactive! Depending on the occasion, I wear makeup mostly because it exaggerates the almond shape of my eyes, but also because I don't want to appear pale, broke or sick to others. Because, in this world where people do not mind their businesses, you are likely to be asked if everything is ok with you if you are sick and what not. So, I avoid those by conforming to what is accepted as normal. But in all of my conforming and accepting, I'll never due to pressure from my peers, allow myself to run into debts, scar myself physically, damage my hair, lose my self-respect or anything else in that nature.

I might be wrong, but I think the worst aspect of peer pressure is people-pleasing. Think about it, is there really any difference between people pleasers and killers? Yes! my comparison depicts the seriousness of the subject matter. Someone once said to me that one can only be pressured by peers if there is a struggle with a healthy self-esteem. While I do not completely agree with the context in which it was said, I'll still take it back to the fact that all humans might also to some degree, struggle with a low self-esteem. But its effects on us lies in just how much we let it shapen our lives.
In all of my conforming and accepting, I'll never due to peer pressure, allow myself to run into debts, scar myself physically, damage my hair or anything else in that nature. 
Believe it or not, there are pros to peer pressure. There are different groups of people who influence each other positively be it in academics, profession, lifestyle or whatever. I'll give an instance when I first got into the university, I said to myself that I won't do anything beyond what was required. My intention was to study enough to maintain an all C (average) grade, but that backfired. After the first semester, our results were posted on every notice boards on campus and that became one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. The next semester, no one told me to sit up! My grades didn't improve because I got wise enough to think of where good grades might take me to in the future, it improved because I realised how competitive students in my school were and I couldn't be the only unintelligent person amongst my peers.

It is always best to take advantage of the pros rather than drown in the cons. News flash, depriving yourself of peace of mind by making promises you cannot fulfil, running into debts over frivolous stuff to be perceived as belonging in a certain class or with the aim of getting people to like you and whatever other reasons you do these things, DOES NOT buy loyalty, love or respect and really leads nowhere positive in the long run. If anything, it leads to;

  1. Debts and even depression because what has been started better be sustained
  2. Disrespect- because at some point, the people being pleased will shudder at the magnanimous level of foolishness and probably become rude
  3. loneliness- because mostly, the wrong set of people who care for nothing more than taking and giving nothing back in return are drawn.
Live your life, master the art of saying no or yes at the appropriate circumstance. You are not the saviour, you'd lose some and gain some, such is life. But never take any action that is beyond your capability in order to be liked or worshipped. Except, of course, it is what you want!

Friday, 31 August 2018

With every vacation, comes an opportunity to be FREE!!!

Thank goodness for All Access Production, because the project enabled me to travel around a lot this year to film, meet different interesting personalities and get even more exposed to certain realities I wasn't aware of. I had the most amazing experiences and the most beautiful photos taken, however, it wasn't until I decided to go on vacation that I decided to share my encounters and alter ego to show you what I am like when I am not ranting about serious stuff or working my behind off!

No one told me how expensive Uber is in SA, my GAD!!! When the alerts started flooding in, I almost had a heart attack but the Airbnb is reasonably priced. This might mean goodbye to hotels forever for me if the deal remains the same for other countries on my bucket list.

I couldn't capture all the moments especially when I almost got arrested in Jo'burg for 'Public Drinking,' the officer called it.

Anyone who knows me knows that overly indulging in consuming alcohol or even holding liquor in, isn't my forte. So, imagine how much I would have hated myself had I been arrested for something I don't even enjoy doing!

This episode occurred a day before my vacation was to be over. My Airbnb host decided to give Mamus and I a treat so, he took us to the Northcliff. I didn't even notice he was carrying a picnic sort of bag till we got there. It was a bit warm that day so 4 bottles of Castle Lite Beer he had in his bad came in handy.

I drank one bottle very slowly since I didn't want to get tipsy and trip off! Anyway, when it was time to go bag-hunting for our excess luggage, I still had my beer remaining and decided to finish it up during the ride to the store. We were about 20 metres away from the store when a Police Officer pulled us over. Yepa!

Our host happens to be Caucasian and in my head, I was thinking,"crap, hope this officer's anger isn't intensified for seeing 2 black women with this white man!'' He walked up to me and said that my host, who was driving is aware that I am not meant to drink in the car even though I wasn't the one driving. He then said he'll get a breathalyser to know how much the host drank. That's when Mamus started calling my name multiple times like, "Titi, what the hell have you done?" Anyway, I sat calmly, hoping that we were somehow going to get out of that hook and a few minutes later, the officer let us go. WHEW!!!

This trip was beyond amazing and I'm looking forward to my next destination.

Watch and share your thoughts in the comment section. Later!

Monday, 18 June 2018

Hard Facts About Being An Average Nigerian Citizen

The average Nigerian citizen must accept a number of hard facts as the reality, then decide if these facts should be embraced, managed or superseded. As a part of this group, few of these facts I have been able to cull over the years are;

- I am worthless
- The Labour Union Congress who are meant to fight for the rights of workers in Nigeria, have become fat from all the corrupted stuffings and can't perform any longer.
- I must provide adequate security for myself
- Without personal finances, I am doomed
- There is a strong sense of entitlement mentality in the country over what I own, either by relatives. or especially by random strangers who could go as far as hurting me for it.
- Lord have mercy on my soul if I become really sick and cannot afford to leave the country to get a "solid' treatment abroad since the facilities in most of our public and even private hospitals are more suitable for the dead than the living.
In Nigeria, the youths are surviving on their own despite the government's inadequacies...
These are a few of the numerous hard facts about being an average Nigerian citizen. Thankfully, I've decided to live, excel and maintain a healthy mental balance despite these realities. As I will always say, in Nigeria, the youths are surviving on their own despite the government's inadequacies but it'd be nice to have the government's backing.

Recently, my sister and I were threatened on our property by some hooligan who hangs around aimlessly within the neighbourhood. It shouldn't be a problem, right? Since there's a respected traditional ruler and there's never been reports on any form of dangerous activities within the neighbourhood but one can never be too safe. Since these threats were made in the wee hours of the morning, my sister decided to call the Police. When I overheard her speaking with whoever picked her distress call, I almost laughed out loud. Only a Nigerian will understand what a joke it is, calling the Police? The entire street might as well be dead before they show up That is; if there's petrol in their cars in the first place! So, when she was done, I went over to ask her if she was actually speaking with the 'Nigerian Police' or maybe a US SWAT team that happened to be in town, and she confirmed it was the Nigerian police who are on their way. In my head, I'm thinking, "maybe past events have made me such a pessimist, let me give them the benefit of doubt and wait for their arrival". Now writing this, I can't believe I allowed myself believe anything different from the usual would occur.

An hour later, the Lagos Rapid Response Squad (RRS) who are constantly driving randomly within the city hoping to make some cash off innocent citizens, were nowhere near sight. My sister calls again and the responder sounds just as scripted as telecommunications customer service agents, "We are sorry for the delay Ma, I've placed a call to the squad closest to you and they will be there shortly. Is there any other issue you'd like to report?" At this point, we just ensured the house was properly secured against intruders and slept off.

The next morning, we discovered no one bothered to show up or call back to check on us. This should be completely normal to me by now but I was disappointed because the emergency line actually went through and someone picked! That's a huge milestone! But I should have known better, After all, our government are the best at putting things in place they neither have full knowledge of nor understand how to control- there are simply no checks and balances.

In all, I remain a die-hard Nigerian, I understand the blessings and limitations in my country and have decided to LIVE regardless.

Thursday, 22 February 2018

Butt Grabbed By A Yoruba Demon

Few weeks back, a friend and I went to the most weirdly fun house party I'd ever been to. The ambience was just the way I like it- pretty chilled, yet fun. I kept eating and laughing about the other attendees’ nostalgic stories while also picking on fake accents all over the place. Omo, the way babes be switching accents in Lagos these days leaves me dizzy, what?!

Anyway, in the midst of the merriment, one of the attendees started talking about his son, whom he watched play with his neighbour’s older daughter and while they were playing, she suddenly kissed his son on the lips. His son stood there shocked and didn’t know exactly how to react. Then he completed his story by saying how proud he felt having a little player in the house.

That last statement irritated me beyond words. I you are thinking, ‘Titi relax, they are just kids being kids’, and I partially agree. However, I also know that na from clap dance dey start. Meaning, it’s the tiny things you do today that leads to the big ones you do later on. 
I asked what he did about that occurrence and he initially said he did nothing, up until he was attacked by some other lady in the party, then he tried exonerating himself by saying, he told his son how wrong that event was and also told him that must never repeat itself. I was like, the hell does that even mean’? He asked what he was meant to do, and I replied saying, "either calmly ask the little girl what made her do that or tell her parents so that they handle it the best way they can". It’s possible she’s picked that from TV or actually sees her parent’s getting it if you know what I mean. This story eventually led to a lot of us sharing our varying encounters with molestation. I didn’t have a drop of alcohol but somehow, I felt the need to share especially being aware of his son's reaction to the kiss. That reminded me so much about myself while I was being molested.

Even though mine happened while I was really young, it somehow came back to haunt me at some point in my life and probably still has some adverse effect on me, and I shared this with everyone at the party.   While sharing, one man looked genuinely sorry for me and came over to sit close to me, telling me that I needed to see a therapist/shrink even though I told him I was largely over my encounter. He told me he’ll cover the cost of one of my sessions and went on to narrate the liberation he felt after sharing his deepest worries with this shrink.
Knowing that the cost will be covered, I agreed to see this so-called shrink on a fixed date. Lord knows I most certainly do not see the sense in paying someone to hear me talk!

After having such a fun and deep night, it was time to go home. Mr Onye Obi Oma- Mr. Kind Heart who seemed so deeply concerned about my mental well being, offered to walk my friend and me to my car. We get there, and he hugs my friend then comes over and hugs me as well. I got into my car, turned to my friend and told her I thought that man was demonic. Then she tells me he grabbed her bum while hugging her. The most shocking part was that he did the exact same to me. For whatever reasons, I became numb and couldn't react.

We both still can’t understand why we didn’t react. Maybe because we knew he was drunk which is no excuse or we wanted to avoid creating a scene or couldn’t believe he’d do that subsequent to the conversation we had at the party. A dude who heard me speak about being molested as a child thought it’d be a great idea to grab my bum in the dark. O di egwu! I was weak! Titilayo who's normally fire and quick to speak or react against anything any derogatory move targeted at the female gender, couldn't do anything in the face of a sexual assaulter.

Monday, 19 February 2018

I guess there's a lot to live for after all

Too early to speak but I can't help noticing that the result of my approach to 2018 is already becoming clear.

In my previous post, I expressed most of my frustrations with the year 2017- that year was indeed a thorn in my flesh. Majority of my decisions came from a place of frustration and short-sightedness, but I later realised that; most situations we have to tackle stem from our own decisions and attitude towards life and all it throws at us.

 I felt out of place, struggled with extreme road rage, was constantly appalled by the stench in Lagos State and the epileptic power supply, I was blown away by the blatant wickedness of people and absolute disregard for human lives. In the midst of the storm, I thought to myself, "Maybe I am this overwhelmed because of loneliness. Perhaps if I had a bae *knowing how much of a lover girl I am* my attention will either shift completely or at least I'll have someone to share my frustrations with". So, what I did was choose the best amongst all the degenerates that were hovering around me at the time, harsh right
Boy did I shoot myself with that decision- going into a relationship for the sake of filling an unexplained void? At this point, my misery knew no bounds. An unfathomable flood of emotions started making way to my physical appearance; my hormones became imbalanced, single threads and I were struggling for the weightiest, my skin became pale and reacted to every single thing, acne found its permanent home on my face… I was an absolute disaster!
Most situations we have to tackle stem from our own decisions and attitude towards life and all it throws at us.
After wallowing in self-pity for a very long while and realising that if I didn't do anything quickly, death will start seeming more attractive to me, I was forced into re-evaluating myself and my priorities. Often times, we make the mistake of dwelling on a bad experience, organising pity parties in the midst of a storm, throwing blames at everything else but ourselves and not learning from our experiences whether good or bad. I was just tired of being tired and needed something good to happen quickly!

You know what I did in 2018 though? I changed and not in the Buhari way!

I mean, I'd still curse out people while driving, and those morons that stand literally in the middle of the expressway waiting for buses while chatting away with fellow morons? I still drive as fast towards them and hit them a bit my side mirror. Then, to my favourite, the ones that cross the expressway even with a pedestrian bridge right above them, I maintain my speed with a straight face and which often results in them yelling Ashawo! But who cares? Na today? The stench of Lagos state still baffles me and the rainy season is here… Lord, have mercy!
My point is, these events now simply entertain me and that desire to just evapourate is completely gone! Well… almost.
 We make the mistake dwelling on a bad experience, organising pity parties in the midst of a storm, throwing blames at everything else but ourselves and not learning from our experiences whether good or bad.

The law of attraction now makes more sense to me than it’s ever done. My positive energy is attracting positive vibes all over the place. I’m taking on more adventures, baby girl's skin is glowing like never before, I've added a reasonable amount of weight, finance isn’t looking too bad and the men, uurrrgh! Sit tight, I'll tell you all that's happening in my subsequent posts.

P.S- I wrote this post on the 18th of February and wanted to showcase my glow up, so I tried transferring the images to my laptop but I kept getting errors. I then opened my blogger draft on my phone but the menu icons had no writing on them and I kept tapping every one of them hoping that I’ll finally find the insert button. While doing that, I mistakenly deleted the post. There was no verification message to ascertain if I indeed wanted the draft deleted and I wonder why the hell that is the case. Super disappointed in you Blogger, I lost a very good post and can't retrieve it!

Thursday, 4 January 2018

New Year Delusions

While everyone is so hyped about the New Year and turning into self-acclaimed motivational speakers on social media platforms, I stay reminiscing on what happened to 2017… I mean, it started out positively, I attended a Crossover Service to 2017 with my sister which got us so flipping hyped, I was in the honeymoon phase of my relationship, I quit my then job for a better job which I have now quit again K, I even opened a miscellaneous section in my agenda- which was really for having a baby. I had a gratitude Jar in which I placed all these things I was meant to do and those I’d accomplished.

I actually almost accomplished everything I had in my agenda/jar for 2017 but by the end of the year, I had lost everything. I do not only mean everything in my jar, but also my savings- my journey to having 30 Billion in the account!

There were some astounding lessons and accomplishments though; I got to visit new countries- went on an actual vacation- I mean wearing nothing but a bikini with sunglasses and getting fried by the sun while glancing at eye candy all over the place kind of vacation! Lest I digress, I also experienced a new phase of my career and understood that human/client management isn’t as easy, but I pulled through it quite well, My mum’s health improved tremendously, my nephew and I bonded so well that sometimes I take decisions as though he is mine- I need to work on this though, my dad’s words helped me through a major heart break. You know, my dad’s words make me feel like such a queen that when he’s done talking to me, I begin to wonder what kind of roach I’m letting bother me. Bless you daddy!

Despite losing all the major accomplishments of 2017, there were all these accomplishments and more which kept me afloat, but 2017 still happens to be the most disastrous year I have ever experienced, to the point that everything in Nigeria started ripping into my peace of heart like hell- paying at Lekki toll when the road is wack! Useless electricity tariff, employer handling my salaries as though it’s such a huge favour not that I worked hard for it! Louts, security guards, custom/immigration officers, police traffic wardens and the likes asking for money as though they forgot some in my wallet! Little beggars strategically placed by their guardians all over the place surrounding my car at the traffic stops and repeating the same damn words that constantly hit my “don’t give a flying ****” zone! Like, have you freaking asked me how I’m fairing? I have my burden too!  I’ll never understand why these begging mafias are allowed to stay on the roads, threatening commuters, but that’s a story for another day. Did I forget the money spent fixing my car? Even though I normally dislike ‘something has gone bad’ sounds emanating from my car and fix it up immediately; now, due to bad suspensions in my car, the noises I hear when my car hits a bad road sounds like love song to my ears.  

I’d normally let things happen while acting as though I am not expecting it. Let me try to explain this; so I’d take certain actions towards my plans but won’t actively push to avoid jinx or to trick life into not throwing unwanted energies. This strategy works-ish for me, but not to a full potential.

This year is definitely going to be different! I have drawn out plans which are split into quarterly subsections and have realistic processes to reach my goals. And hey, I didn’t arrive at this point by reading some lame quote on social media; I arrived at this point in a quest for something different from the usual.

In all, I am not getting unnecessarily hyped over nothing that is; without tangible reasons or over baseless quotes such as ‘people will be saying congratulations to you in 2018’, ‘you will receive a call that will change your life this year, ‘your helper will locate you’ and what not. You know, very unfounded reasons to be thrilled.

In fact, I am almost tempted to advice on better ways to handle a new year, but I refuse to be that annoying under-qualified motivational speaker. Haha!

Friday, 22 December 2017

My Encounter with Hard Drugs

Having been brought up with a God infused fear for my dad and an iron fist by my mum, hard drugs are things I only hear about or see in the movies but never had any opportunity to see or touch. Well, except for weed, which I have seen but never smoked or eaten (I promise, I'm not lying!).

Well, this was the case up until few days ago... Imagine! Someone destroyed this naive sweet girl! How evil can this world get? *Wiping innocent tears off my eyes*

Here's what happened, I met this man that seemed queer from the onset, but prided himself on being special and out of the ordinary. He was so off-centre that I was mostly left stunned by our conversations. I mean, most of our chats were;

Convo 1
Him: Uh oh, the traffic in Lagos is crazy, I'm stuck in one right now
Me: Well, the good thing is you aren't driving yourself; else your traffic stories will be far worse
Him: You need to control your emotions; your emotions are all over the place
Me: Huh?

Convo 2 -on a Friday at 12:30AM
Him: Shall we go somewhere quiet for drinks?
Me: Quiet on a Friday? Hmmm, is there anywhere quiet in Lagos? ‘South’ maybe?
Him: Naaa South is noisy.
Me: I don't think there is anywhere quiet today.
Him: What the hell are you talking about? Its either you want to see me or not
Me: huh?

These are very light examples. He always went from 0 to 100 so fast that I was left dizzy; but being that I have a lot of free time this season, I tolerated it and after a lot of back and forth; we finally fixed a date, time and a quiet place to meet.

On the set day, I walk in and see a white powdery substance poured on the table, I feel it and it is so smooth that and I'm thinking to myself "why does he freaking need a baby powder", but I ignore it, walk up to him, stretch out my arms for a hug, he walks up close to me and I notice immediately that his pupil is larger than usual- this didn't strike any unusual chord because he'd complained about stress the entire day and I simply thought that easily explained the enlarged pupil. In the midst of all these initial observations, my date is sweating a freaking pool in a freezing cold place and couldn't sit the heck down.

I walk over to a seat, settle in and get into my 'teasing to get actual answers' mood. While teasing, baba starts rolling two new 500 Naira notes, then he walks to the table, bends down towards the powder and starts sniffing and I'm like "wait a minute, something is going down here". Then I asked what it was and he went, "It's a cocktail. Wha,t you've never had it? Nigerians love this stuff", and went ahead to mention some names. I asked how he got it and he told me it’s sold all over the place. Loads of questions I cannot recall came rolling out of my mind and mouth simultaneously.

A friend of mine had previously mentioned to me that a lot of guys in Lagos are heavily into cocaine, but I never really believed that as one do not exactly see drug addicts wondering the streets of Lagos. I mean, I see mad people but that is from witches in their village right? I kid?!

But really, do Nigerians have some form of method of shielding this habit? Is it fear of getting caught by the Law Enforcement Authorities or just a typical example of cultural hypocrisy?

The funny thing is, he brought out a very small portion of the powdered substance and told me to try it. It was at that point I understood the essence of that verse 'FLEE FROM TEMPTATION'. I legit considered it just to grasp the thrill but remembered a conversation with an ex who told me that if cocaine is tried once and the body likes it, it'd crave for more. The fear of addiction quenched my curiosity, but the fact that I actually considered it *sigh* I simply carried my bag and strutted out. Of course, Mr. X will never hear from me again in case you are wondering.

I’d always previously said I couldn’t be tempted to do anything I didn’t want to, that night proved me wrong. Guess I’m unhappy with myself for having the thought to try but hey, it could happen to you. And so my boos, stay away from situations that’s likely to bring out your unknown beast.