Sunday, 30 October 2016

To All The Witches In My Village

My concern has never really been with witches; in fact, the only period in my life I remotely paid attention, was years ago while I was still delusional or should I say, a Christian so blind.
Anyway, my mum and I were watching this Yoruba movie where a certain Christian family kept undergoing ‘spiritual’ attacks, so in quest for a solution, the family decided to consult a ‘White Witch’. I turned to my mum and asked why in the heck a family experiencing ‘spiritual ’ attacks would visit witches rather than go to a church, and my mum said they were going to white witches (good witches) and not evil witches, isi gbaka mu (my head exploded)!  You should have seen the way I turned up on my mum, I no gree the woman talk again o. I started spewing out bullets! Talking about how I couldn’t believe a Christian woman like her would say there are good witches and how I sometimes worried she won’t make heaven due to her mixed beliefs bla blab bla...

But the truth is, I have seen cases where one is really sick or have some deadly bruises and while some so-called men of God would have shown up rhyming and speaking all the grammar they’ve been able to learn, someone will show up with local herbs- which I have always thought were diabolically acquired- and then, the bruises become history. Not that i am saying Pastors must perform miracles, but rather than shout all over the place with stories of miracles only dead people can attest to, it will be best to actually perform some people can experience firsthand.

Over time, I have become fascinated with traditional herbs, traditional religion, witchcraft etc. hence, appreciating some of their works.
After all, our traditional practices existed before colonization came and traded Christian religion for all our resources and common sense.
Now, if it isn’t what came with colonization/westernization, it is evil.
Big kudos to South Africa for adding Witchcraft and Wizardry to their curriculum,  I gladly broke this news to my mum and she forced out fakes tears asking the universe what happened to her daughter and whom she offended. I was like, “pick a battle mama! Today you say there are good witches, tomorrow you blame me for being curious. I am like a cat girl”! I want to know what’s behind everything.

I don’t know about witches from others parts of the world, but if i ever get a chance to address the witches from my village, i will tell them to brand themselves properly. My people will call it ‘packaging’- Just like Harry Potter  made flying with brooms look appealing to most of us; rather than our witches seeking for who’s destiny to lock inside a bottle of Schnapps or who’s womb to lock and all of that petty rubbish, they should come up with some innovative creations that will attract the world to Nigeria and help in foreign exchange. For instance, make actual flying brooms or carpets, produce gears similar to Samsung's, one can use to catch a glimpse of the future. I'd also ask that they appear better; because, if they really are as wack as Nollywood movies present them to  be -black teeth, white tacky hair and garments that look like they've never been close to water,i wonder how in the world they expect people to take them seriously.

So who knows a white witch from Abia State?