Friday, 14 October 2016

Man of My Dreams


By the time you are done reading this post, I would have become a lesbian. I KID! Before jobless miscreants in the name of law enforcement slams me with a 14-year jail term, in one of our many dilapidated jails, as though that is the root of our countless problems.

Anyhoo, my brothers, sisters and confused sex aka Caitlyn Jenner category; if I tell you that i am not tired of this game called dating, just know I am a big fat liar! Well, just a liar, not fat :) There are just so many rules to live by! As much as I love to argue that people could land their dream partner regardless of the personality, this part of the clime seems to be proving otherwise.

I happened to be in a discussion group where i chipped in the fact that the co-called bad girls seem to get hooked way faster than the so-called decent girls, and someone was quick to point out that – the girls know how to play ‘the game’. You know- a lady in the street and freak in the sheets. Well, my response was, “why do I have to go through all of that to be loved and appreciated”?
So I pretend to be this idle lady, then get married, become comfortable and revert to the real me, problems begin to spew from all corners and all love becomes lost in the marriage? Is getting married and ending up in a loveless relationship really the aim? Why be in a marriage where cuddling or being affectionate is like rocket science? 
I killed the foolishness of asking an ex back, after I ended up dreading this guy who thought persistently pursuing me was eventually going to win me over. Now imagine how disgusting it must be to return home from work to someone you totally dread and aren’t looking forward to seeing; probably laid on your bed or trying to be intimate with you. That must be a different kind of hell-ish experience. Yes sometimes with time, love could grow or happen again with such partner, but more often than not, hatred and disgust takes over.

The decision to rant about this was made after a close friend of mine, sat me down few weeks ago and really massaged my ego in an attempt to slide in that talk I often ignore – How to Land the Man of My Dreams. I don’t know which of the topics I dislike the most between ‘Think like a man and act like a woman’ and ‘Landing your dream man’. In fact, now that I write about it, I think she read up on constructive criticism before having *the talk* with me, as she started by listing some of my numerous great qualities before the BUTs rolled in; i need to bridle my tongue, over look more and be more feminine. Then she went ahead to create a scenario I should live by for 3 months and see if I do not transform the next guy  that comes my way into ‘The man of my dreams’ or ‘The One’. Not like I’ve ever believed in the one guy to a woman sharing ratio; I mean, you are with one man this moment and reckon he is the greatest, till paths cross with some other guy that rocks your world in an inexplicable manner.

Anyway, she told me to be sweet, listen more to the guy than have a retort, massage his ego and try not to be the smart one at all times. Try? I don’t try to be smart, I AM SMART! Why accept foolishness when we can better each other by pointing out stupidity when spotted? Cook more over going to restaurants -Please bear in mind that cooking more will probably entail serving as an exercise machine – my lord will definitely need to burn out the food :| Then, she told me to swallow my ego and learn to apologize regardless of who is at fault.

If indeed I am capable of doing all that’s been mentioned, please do me the favour of pointing out the difference between a zombie or famous Ms Doormat and me. She means well of course, and I love her insanely for her genuine concerns, but man- I don’t think I was made to suffer like that. I haven’t put that much effort into understanding the higher power, and I am supposed to go through all of that to be loved and accepted by flesh and blood? This isn’t even me being arrogant or ignorant as some might perceive this post to be, it’s just that; love shouldn’t be that complicated. One of the reasons love is said to be blind is because, love is capable of overlooking all the flaws and deterrents in all persons, things or situations. I am also very much aware that there must be compromises for any relationship to survive, but there are just certain things that cannot be compromised. I once went on a double date with a friend, this guy and his friend; we’d been in a rather odd circle for over four hours, so my friend and i couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to get going. Just to prove that they are men and cannot be ordered around, they took their time even when there was clearly nothing more to do. Internet also took sides with them as we didn’t have enough bars to order an Uber. Over two hours later, they sluggishly stood up and headed for the car, left us inside and stepped aside to gossip about us. I was just side eyeballing my friend as my stupidity-dar had picked on pieces of that behavior way before that night, but she and my sister thought I was just being difficult. If a man that claims he is into me would go as far as disrespecting me, even before his friend at such initial stage, what will my story be after I have put up a great performance to get him to marry me, only to go back to being sort of finicky? He might just garnish my face with a resounding slap in a market square someday.

All I have written about and more are the reason playing dating games is highly unnecessary. The best bait is probably to be with someone that kind of compliments you and have it in mind that there will always be downsides. Not to say stuff like, ‘I really liked you and would have dated you if you weren’t crazy’ or how do they say it?

So is it ok to have expectations regarding a life partner? Of course! Can all these expectations be found in one man, which would then make him the dream man? Not necessarily! Should one bend over to get this partner? Of course not! Bending over is simply tossing aside the original version of you for the plastic.