Sunday, 15 March 2015

Can I actually live my own life in this world?

Ever tried wearing an outfit you actually love and deem fit, then get told that the outfit is worn wrongly or not suitable for an occasion?

This is one of the many ways our lives are shaped by societies that are already crooked and confused; but my response to the above is always 'who sets these rules?' Shouldn't my outfits be based on my comfort and not on standards fixed by some clown?

Don't get me wrong, I’m not some rebel disregarding every rules and living life to suit me and me alone; as a matter of fact, imagine how chaotic life will be without them. Try driving through major roads in Lagos without traffic lights to catch a glimpse of a chaotic world without rules. You see, I love orderliness which can hardly be achieved without rules or should I say, guidelines.

However, some of these rules make zero sense to me and the worst part is, if I do not conform, I’d probably end up being alone forever, because even though the world likes to think it’s so accepting, it really isn’t.

Watch out! I'm finding it hard expressing my thoughts so you might get confused in the middle of this post.

I watch the news and wonder if I am the only one who finds some of the stories ridiculous, I look into a mirror and somehow my soul separates from my body and begin to ask who my body is, I wonder why we foolishly fight each other for no bloody good reason knowing that life is fickle and so is our time in this life, I wonder why a thief wouldn’t just steal without causing casualties and why they think it’s their right  to steal what another must have worked so hard for, I wonder why the Nigerian government remain adamant when all its vibrant youths are fleeing the country due to hardship and I cannot help but fall in love with older men because I believe they can tolerate my eccentricities better, but the society doesn’t get it. It’s got nothing to do with money! Well, I’ve dated classy ones but do I need to get myself an Oldman from a remote village to convince the world that I actually prefer a particular age range for the purest reasons?! Meanwhile, with all these on my mind, ass kissing heffers at work are getting to me, I am battling with weight loss, taking out my rage horribly on other drivers on the road and ravaged by all that’s happening around me.  
Anyway, whenever it gets overwhelming, I simply take a break which I believe helps me realign and put my life into perspective.

This time, on my 28th birthday, I headed for Ghana by road because I was so hyped by a rubbish information I got about road trips to other African countries being an adventure one should experience. My sisters and brothers, it was an absolute nightmare! I’d never ever try that in my current or next life again! But that’s a story for another day). 

I stayed with a friend and his family in Tema which is few kilometres away from Accra. I did a lot, slept, ate all I could lsu my hands on, tried to learn Twi which happens to be one of my favourite African languages, others are; Igbo, Hausa and Swahili. 

In all Ghana had to offer, I arrived at the climax of my vacation when I bumped into this beautiful Dutch man. I swear it was love at first sight for both of us. The energy our admiration for each other generated could have supplied electricity to Nigeria for a year but once again, society says I cannot be with him. How in the world can it work with me chasing my media career in Nigeria and him building is business in Belgium *sigh* uh! Did I forget to mention there was another girl with him? LOL. We decided to remain platonic and even though I had a strong urge that he is ‘The One’, I’m letting go and letting fate decide. Yes! I am major cheesy :D
I’ve lived in my odd ways all my life not caring what the rest of the world had/have to say but I guess the later part of this post just made me realise, I do deserve a break- a real break with someone. You know what is preventing that? Not a girl in the picture but money and distance which man have both made easy and at the same time, complicated. Here's why, being with him will mean delving into horrifica visa ventures which I can only start after burning up all my finances by meeting on middle grounds. Isn't life just annoying?

Don't worry about me, I'm psychotic nor suicidal, well as long as I can vent here.

You know what, maybe I should restructure my blog to an open diary since I always come here bothering you all with all that’s happening to me. My misery definitely loves your company. Haha!